Personal Thought: On Being Cool

Being cool is something that many people aspire to be. I’m not totally there yet myself, but working on it. I appreciate it a lot when I meet or see cool people doing what they do. I’ve found that the people I consider super cool all have a unique and slightly unconventional manner in how they do things. They do things differently, in their own way. It’s funny how we’re often the most cool when we’re just doing things without thinking anyone else is observing. The moment we notice there are people watching and observing, we abruptly cut it off and act “normal” again. Children don’t do this but as adults, we’re hyper aware when people are observing us or silently judging us. This takes us out of our flow and we start performing and doing things with an added layer that begins with the question: “What will people think?” I say stop worrying about what people think and just do what you do. Give yourself permission to do what you want. It doesn’t really matter too much what people think, as long as you are doing something good with the intent to inspire or lead people to higher ideals. Perhaps being cool is really just about living freely and expressing one’s self honestly, with no hesitations or reservations (i.e. cool equals keeping it real). Let me share some practical tips to be cool that have worked for me over the years.

Don’t always ask for permission, rather flip it sometimes and try asking for forgiveness instead: I used to ask for permission for everything, and we get it drilled into our heads that it’s important to ask for permission for everything. It gets reinforced at school, work, and home; over the course of time, we learn that to do anything we need to ask for permission. In certain situations, yes you need to ask for permission first. But often we use permission as an excuse to not even start. We need to unlearn always asking for permission and learn to just do what we do. If there’s something that you want to do, why not just do it? If there’s something that you want to make, why not just drop it? Be aware of others, but just do stuff without worrying and know that it’s better to make a mistake and ask for forgiveness than it is to approach things timidly. Fortune favors the bold and I think that for me, I try to just do stuff and let things happen, good or bad. We learn the most from trying and making mistakes, yet society is often very punishing and unforgiving towards mistakes. I say keep making mistakes because how could someone learn and improve without mistakes that teach and enhance you? Without experiencing uncomfortable situations and working through them, how could people reach their full potential? They can’t and that’s what keeps people stunted and boxed in.

A person must have conviction in who they are and believe, “I am a cool person and I do cool things”: I personally think that 70% of being cool is telling yourself that, “I am a cool person and I do cool things.” One’s mindset must truly believe in his or her uniqueness and talents in order for “coolness” to be present, present in both actions and personality. If we don’t have belief, then that’s a non-starter. A fantastic quote by the American author Wallace Wattles is: “Action is the second form of thought, and personality is the materialization of thought.” How could someone be perceived as cool by others if they don’t even think they are cool themselves? It’s never going to happen. I understand that as part of society, there are certain social norms we have to adhere to. I honor them and believe it’s important to show decorum and respect towards everyone at all times. However, we are often told to “fit in.” Why? Why not be yourself and the person God created you to be? Why not be comfortable being yourself and do what you do? A person is best at being themselves first and foremost, no? It’s really important to be someone who has unique convictions, tastes, and styles, which comes from someone who’s unapologetically themselves and unafraid of judgement. I think such people are extremely rare today because we desperately seek validation from others, but we don’t ask for validation from ourselves! The bottom line is we can’t be cool unless we trust who we are as people completely and fully.

One has to stand for something, not always agreeing with everyone: We interact with many people throughout the course of our life: family, close friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and total strangers. It’s so easy to just go with the flow in the existing structures without building something new or enhancing it in some way. I think this is a big mistake. Without new innovations, we stagnate culturally and don’t get to experience new things that bring a sense of wonder. New ways of thinking, innovations, and differences are what push society forward and cause us individually to question assumptions about our existence. Only through divergent thinking can we see things more clearly and more sharply; otherwise we remain stuck in the same thought patterns and habits that calcify over time. We literally lose our ability to learn and create if we let our brains remain stuck in the same patterns and habits over time. I say be willing to think differently and stand for something. Stand for what you believe in and don’t apologize for it ever and don’t be ashamed of it either. Have some self-confidence and know that the people who don’t get it aren’t important. But the people that do get it? Oh they’ll find you to be a very cool person! You’ve literally shown them a new way of thinking or way of being that changed their perception of reality, changing what they thought was possible. And they appreciate you for it!

There needs to be an element of delusion paired with realism in order to be cool: The modus operandi we are often told is to “be realistic.” I say there needs to be an amendment to that and we need to flip it: be delusional first, and then realistic second. Why? Because delusion goes hand-in-hand with a strong self-belief and confidence that cannot be extinguished. It was unrealistic to think that we could have light during the night, but Thomas Edison didn’t believe that and invented the light bulb. It was unrealistic to think that we could sit in metal tin cans and fly around the world, but the Wright Brothers didn’t believe that and invented the airplane. It was unrealistic to think that we could go to the Moon, but the people at NASA didn’t believe that and put people on the Moon. At the same time, being delusional must be paired with being practical and realistic, because delusions can easily steer into wishful thinking if left unchecked. This is a great paradox: we often become cool when we’re both delusional and realistic. The delusions power us to do and to create cool stuff; the realism powers us to know when to stop if we’re doing something that’s not adding real value (i.e. not cool). It’s funny how we are often powered by contradictions and we go into the danger zone if we steer too far one way or the other. When it comes to being cool: someone who’s overly delusional is plain crazy, while someone who’s overly realistic has no creativity or sense of wonder.

There also has to be an element of counterculturalism in order to be cool: Being cool means introducing new things into the culture that’s considered abnormal or taboo, within reason. At the end of the day, one has to say things that no one else is willing to say; one has to do things that no one else is willing to do. You want to do things that go against the grain, but also not take things to the extreme where people no longer get the message. This way you gain experiences that no one else has experienced before, and that’s what creates aura. Embracing a counterculture may drive people away that don’t get you, but you will definitely gain new people that do get you. You know you are on the right path when you notice that other people are now copying your personality, or mannerism, or style. This is a strong sign that someone is setting cultural trends and establishing a new culture and a new way of thinking. That’s the epitome of being cool: establishing a new tribe of people who are now all doing things differently than before. When this happens, you know your influence is spreading throughout society. The one caveat is, do everything you can to stay humble and not let ego take over. Be happy that people are now copying you and learning from you, not resentful. The copying is actually a good sign that one has become a successful person!

Being cool is mostly the byproduct of someone who loves what they do: When we see cool people doing what they do, we don’t see the hours of practice and grinding that happens in silence. We only see the outcomes, but not the process. The truth is that when we examine any cool or successful person deeply, we find that the process took a really long time and it required A LOT of work. This may mean eliminating T.V. and choosing to build stuff when it would be so easy to Netflix everyday. This may mean saying no to the party when it would be so easy to socialize. This may mean forgoing a vacation and choosing to use the time in order to learn a new skill instead. We can’t have everything and the greater the goal (whatever that goal is), the greater the sacrifice it takes to get there. When people who’ve been grinding in silence finally decide to showcase their skills or creations to the public, they receive the validation “that’s cool!” It feels good, but outside people have no idea what it was like to get to that point. That’s the big irony. People always love the outcomes, but don’t enjoy the process and the work to get there. Therefore, fall in love with the work and let yourself be totally immersed in the zone when doing stuff. The zone is where the magic happens and anything can happen when a person is consistently in the zone and working hard and long!

I say in concluding:

“Being cool is about trying to become who you were always meant to be, regardless of what people may say or think. Let me express this through a metaphor. Become like an Oak tree that just keeps growing bigger, regardless of whether it’s sunny, rainy, cloudy, or snowy. The tree doesn’t break, bend, or worry about the weather. The tree just keeps doing what it does because it knows it’s destined to be a big, sturdy tree. It gets there by growing bigger and stronger everyday and in the process, the tree becomes a source of shade for other creatures.”