Personal Thought: On Having Confidence
I think having confidence is something that I have a lot of thoughts on and experience with. Confidence is one of the things I believe can be developed, trained, and mastered over the course of time. A lot of people don’t even believe that they can change their mindset to embrace a more confident and more optimistic outlook. Many people believe they are born the way they are, and so they tell themselves: “What’s the point in trying to become someone that I’m not?” That’s simply false and not the right mindset. The truth is we can have a growth mindset if we want to, assuming we’re willing to put in the work. On the contrary, we will maintain a fixed mindset if we want to, if we’re not willing to put in the work to improve and get better. No person can make another person truly “confident”. Confidence doesn’t come from shouting affirmations everyday when you wake up or having someone hype you up. That’s temporary and not true confidence. True confidence is being cool, calm, and collected when things inevitably go south. True confidence is showing grace in the face of a storm. Here are the hacks that have worked for me over the course of time to develop a true inner confidence, i.e. a kind confidence that does not seek external validation or is externally focused:
Become someone who’s both humble and confident: What a lot of people don’t realize is that confidence is only half the equation! Truly balanced people understand that the formula to success is 50% humility and 50% confidence. This is the key to everything: knowing when to be humble, and when to be confident. We all need both qualities at different times. Sometimes it’s important to veer on the humility side, because the confident approach may cause more problems than solutions. Other times it’s important to veer on the confident side and take risks; this may get you the result you want or give yourself a fighting chance. I’ve had experience trying both approaches and I’ve applied the wrong approach to certain situations, not fun. But that’s just me learning and improving, so I take every experience as a lesson to make me sharper and better!
Keep your emotions composed and even-keeled when facing challenges: This is a really big one, but it’s extremely hard to do. When we face extraordinary and challenging situations, our emotions cloud our thinking and inner peace. This messes up our confidence and totally distorts our belief in ourselves. The trick is to stay even-keeled (i.e. not letting emotions get too high or too low), no matter what happens. This comes with experience over time, but practical solutions to staying confident in super challenging situations include: having a belief system and praying, listening to music that helps you focus, conscious breathing, visualization that things will inevitably get better, and just sheer willpower. We should never let emotions dictate our actions (though this happens to all of us occasionally), rather we should always take action in a calm and non-stressed state of mind. As bad as you have it, there’s someone that has it worse. Tell yourself: “A bad day in a first world country will always be better than a great day in a third world country.” There are many people in the world who have it a lot worse, so be grateful for your blessings, no matter what the situation is. This gives someone an incredible, unbreakable confidence to keep going.
Don’t be afraid to be by yourself and do things in solitude: Noise, distractions, and social media. These things define life in this day and age. How many people are willing to eliminate the noise once in a while and just do their own thing? To be honest, very few. We all crave distractions because it’s more fun than spending the time in isolation developing our skills and getting better as people. Yet, alone time and isolation is needed in order to get clarity and focus, which leads to purpose. Having focus and having a purpose is what I believe forms the kindling for true inner confidence. It’s the inner North Star that tells you what you should or shouldn’t do. Always listen to this inner voice because it’s your gut telling you what’s best for you and you alone. When you consistently listen to your inner voice and act on it, that’s what breeds confidence. You may fail, but that just makes you stronger the next time when the same situation shows up. Don’t be afraid of anything honestly.
Read a lot and journal a lot, reflecting on the lessons learned over time: There’s an old saying: “A fool learns from his own mistakes; a wise man learns from the mistakes of others.” I believe reading biographies is one of the best ways to learn and is really a hack in life. You are literally downloading the thinking patterns of someone else into your mindset, and that’s very powerful over the course of time. Reading, in general, is one of the best ways to uncover new thoughts and ideas. The more we know about something, the more confident we become in applying those ideas in the real world. At the same time, we have to monitor ourselves and our progress over the course of time. This is where journaling comes in. I’ve been consistently journaling since I was 22 and it has helped me tremendously over the years to build confidence. When you read old journal entries and reflect on things, you get clarity and you see the mistakes and patterns over the course of time. This helps you get sharper the next time so that the same mistakes don’t rear their ugly heads again. Moreover, journaling helps you see the truth more clearly, because each journal entry is literally a snapshot of your thoughts at that exact moment. If there’s faulty thinking, it’s very easy to see it in hindsight. Using books (biographies) to learn about other people and using journaling to monitor your own growth is a powerful combination to grow as a person, which breeds supreme confidence as you observe your enhanced mindset and skill improvements!
Say “yes” to everything, and I literally mean everything: Never, ever be afraid to practice your skills in the real world, whatever it may be. Sometimes we get fearful and we have the theoretical knowledge, but not the confidence to act them out in the real world. The trick is to think less and just start small. Don’t need to get to the mountain top on the first step, rather taking one step (however small it may be) is the most important thing. It’s sometimes easier when you have an accountability partner or friend that’s coming along with you. But saying “yes” to everything opens a person to new experiences and new learnings. It gives one confidence such that if the same situation appears again, there’s experience to rely upon. I’ve always tried to say “yes” to everything, but there are definitely certain things that I’m also hesitant about and have not pulled the trigger before, like traveling and international trips. I just need to bite the bullet and do it sometime. This is a good reminder to myself to take chances in areas that I’m not particularly strong in!
Always take other peoples’ advice, but never be afraid to act if you know you’re doing the right thing: Don’t be afraid to go at it alone if you have to. Even if you have no support or no backing. If you know you are doing the right thing, then you have moral clarity and spiritual backing. Your soul is at peace, even though you may not feel it physically. Yes it may feel absolutely uneasy and nerve-wracking, but sometimes being confident does not feel good in the moment, but it will be obvious that you made the right moves after the fact. Try to become someone who is impervious to the stress levels that would take other people down. It is very hard and not easy to do, but have confidence that you can handle anything, and pray about it if you need strength. All the people that have influenced the world have dealt with extreme isolation and pain, but it was well worth it when looking back in hindsight. Their actions made life easier for their fellow human beings and the people that came after them. Ask yourself: is it better to be average and mediocre or someone confident in their actions that influenced things for the better?
We all lose confidence and sometimes it’s pretty devastating when our confidence takes a hit. But the key is to: rest and regroup, remind yourself again who you are, and then get right back to it. Always remember and remind yourself of your true identity, and this will help you to quickly heal the trauma and help you bounce back from whatever the setback is. Work your way back to nominal mental and physical health by any means necessary. Why let anything or anyone stop you? Go hard and go get it!