Personal Thought: On Finding a Passion

This is a topic that I have strong opinions on and it’s something that I’ve ruminated and experimented with for the past ~10 years. I’m not an expert, but I do have some insights as to how this works. One of my biggest fears when I was younger was always this: I was deeply fearful I would not find something that I would be deeply passionate about by the time I turned 30. My worst nightmare would have been doing a job that I had absolutely no passion for; to just go through the motions everyday seemed like a complete nightmare to me. This one fear pervaded my mind for many, many years. I knew who I wanted to be and I was inspired by people who derive great joy in what they do. You notice the difference: the people who love what they do are willing to sacrifice pretty much everything to make their dreams come true. They bring high energy to what they do each and every day. You can feel it, see it, and smell it. I thought given that we spend most of our lives working, it would be totally foolish not to find what my calling was.

Two factors I believe strongly influence finding one’s passion are: 1) the environment where we grow up and 2) who our parents and friends are. Due to the environment where I grew up, my whole life I’ve been isolated. It’s true, I did literally grow up on an island in the state of Maine. Moreover as a young person, it’s easy to be swayed by what our parents say or what our friends do. If you are lucky and have supportive parents and friends, finding what you were meant to do is easier because there’s probably more access to financial and social capital. I grew up with modest means and I didn’t have that many friends growing up. The isolated environment both geographically and socially has had a big influence on my personality. They probably reinforce each other: our personalities are shaped by the environment we grow up in and it’s a cycle that builds momentum the older we get.

My family moved to Washington D.C. during my senior year of high school, and that was a major shock for me. I finished high school, college, and then started working in the D.M.V. right after college. Moving to a new area honestly took 6-7 years for me to get used to. In high school, college, and for all of my 20s, I really didn’t do things the traditional way: hanging out with people, house parties, trips to Europe, raves and concerts, brunch on the weekend, etc. I had to build my career and circle of friends from scratch after being dropped into a major U.S. city from my small rural hometown when I was 17. So I spent a lot of time by myself doing things my way. I could explore and observe the world uniquely and kind of forge my own path. I did things differently and didn’t always do things by the book: I went to meetups, science lectures, hackathons, conferences, and put everything into my work. I followed my heart and made decisions that I felt were the right decisions for me, not thinking of any consequences. It was lonely, stressful, risky, and at times I felt like I would never make it. I had some super big successes and super big failures. But after ~10 years, I finally achieved my childhood dream, working as a NASA contractor. Here are my five biggest lessons on finding one’s passion:

• Having a passion for something means you are willing to suffer or to endure for it. The word passion is derived from the latin verb pati and latin noun passio. In modern english, it means to suffer or to endure. Having a passion for something is really about being willing to stick it out for the long term, on the good days and the bad days. It’s so hard to do the same job for years if you don’t love it. You will know you have passion for something when even on the worst days, you rise up the next day and keep going back to the job and display excellence. The energy doesn’t disappear, no matter what happens. You endure because this is truly what you were called to do. Otherwise, you will probably either quit the job or get pushed out, whichever one comes first.
• Pay attention to the thoughts, events and people your heart draws you to. One of the biggest mistakes is to follow what your parents think or what your friends think, without critical thought. They don’t know you and how your mind truly works. Only YOU DO. I knew that for me, my parents probably envisioned my life to be something different than what it currently is. But that’s ok. You take everyone’s suggestions and ideas into consideration, but ultimately the decisions and choices lie with you and you alone. I knew that I was always passionate about science, engineering, and academia, specifically space exploration. My heart kept dragging me to science lectures, space exploration conferences and events, and NASA news clippings over the years. I dreamed of working for NASA in some capacity for years and it never happened, but my heart never told me to stop believing. Finally after ~10 years and many failures, it happened. Things will happen for you in mysterious ways as long as you don’t stop believing and don’t stop fighting for your dreams.
• Lean on the resources that you have. Create opportunities for yourself and never assume any opportunity will come back again the second time. No matter if you are from a rich or poor background, have a good or bad family, have good or bad or nonexistent friends, the one key trick in life is: always create opportunities for yourself! The human brain can be pretty innovative if you apply it to problems that seem impossible. Look for opportunities where no one else is looking. When other people in their 20s were out partying, I went to as many networking events and meetups as I possibly could in the last ~10 years. I read as many books as I possibly could and worked on as many extracurricular projects and activities as I possibly could. I told myself: there are so many interesting people, events, and ideas floating around in D.C. I need to be at the forefront of things because the world is always changing; I always need to be learning!
• You will face extreme loneliness, rejection, and sometimes total failure on your journey. To truly find one’s passion, unless one is extremely lucky, takes years of experimentation and work. It’s probably not going to work out the first time. You may need to try different jobs and industries to make it happen. And at times it’s not fun at all. It can be super painful and dejecting when nothing goes right. But have faith and keep going. Everything happens for a reason and the silver lining to all the pain and frustration may take years down the road to bear fruit. If I had not gone to Friday night science lectures at the Cosmos Club in D.C. for years, I would have never heard about my current employer STScI and sent in a job application. The universe works in mysterious ways and the more chances we take, the more auspicious our futures will be. I look back at all the times I failed over the years and realized: those times were preparing me for something greater down the road. Don’t settle for what you were not meant to do and be willing to suffer for as long as it takes to find what you are meant to do!
• Finding your passion and getting everything you want surprisingly will not make your life perfect. Life keeps going. I look back on all the successes I’ve had over the years, where I worked really hard on something I wanted. I failed to get it, I failed to get it, I failed to get it… and then I GOT IT. Oh my goodness! The moment feels absolutely incredible; just unreal joy. I might feel good about it for a week, then something strange happens. The joy dims after a few weeks, the joy starts to fade after a month, and then after six months, forget about it… the joy is totally gone because there’s new problems and life keeps going. This has happened to me with respect to every single thing that I’ve achieved over the years. I wanted a masters degree for years. Because of financial circumstances, I could not get a masters degree right out of undergrad. I had to wait many years before I finally entered my masters program at age 28. I worked so hard for the degree and then I got it. It’s been two years now and I don’t even bat an eye at my degree; it’s sitting in my closet and I’ve looked at it almost never. Life keeps going, for all of us no matter what!

In conclusion: finding one’s passion is a long journey that involves paying attention to our innermost and vulnerable thoughts and then acting on them, even if we’re afraid. I hope this has helped you in some way (maybe, maybe not). I hope all your dreams come true! ⭐